Kyle And His Trip To The Space Academy (3)

This is Kyle. (Not pictured: Kyle)
Kyle is feeling pretty good, right now!
The reason for the sudden "good" feeling that Kyle is current experiencing is because he just found out that he is going to The Space Academy for super-adventure training in the ways of science and outer space!
Just the mere thought of those things brings an enormous grin upon Kyles usually grin-absent face.
Kyle gets ready and all of that nonsense before he packs a special bag for his super special day!
Kyle won't go into the specifics of what is contained inside his bag, but let's just say it is most certainly incredible and extraordinarily excellent.
Anyway, at precisely 4:32 PM, Kyle boards the space shuttle, which isn't really as much a space shuttle as it is a 96' Honda Odyssey.
Kyle chuckles marvelously at the appropriately named vehicle which will transport him to the location where he will spend the entire day aboard a REAL spaceship and NOT a fake one and he will perhaps experience what real astronauts must face and the thought of that makes Kyle swell with pride.
Kyle also doesn't mind run-on sentences.
As soon as the Odyssey arrives at The Space Academy Kyle begins to find himself feeling extremely prepared and excited. But as soon as Kyle steps out of the Mini-van, an ominous voice whispers the words "The power isn't inside the cape, Kyle. The power is in you".
Slightly confused, Kyle tries to forget what the voice had said because it is starting to hurt his head.
Kyle then quickly grabs his special bag and runs to the large planet-shaped building.
"Oh wow, this building looks sort of like a planet." says Kyle, somewhat surprised.
And then out of nowhere, Kyle hears a foreign voice from around the corner of the building! (which is strange, because you'd think a building which resembled a planet would be round, thus having no corners, but that is beside the point... Or is it?)
"On the contrary young man, perhaps it is the planets which resemble this building!" Says the voice.
And just then, a large figure appears from around the corner!
And who shall it be?
None other than Neil Armstrong! The first man on the moon! (supposedly)
"Wow Mr. Armstrong! You really are smart!" says an ecstatic young boy, Kyle. "You just blew my mind."
"Ha, I get that a lot. Perhaps it is because in addition to being an amazing astronaut, I am also the smartest, most capable man in the world! And even though my wife left me, I still am doing okay without her and I'll be just fine on my own now! I don't need that dirty prostitute or anyone! I am Neil ****ing Armstrong!" Says the astronaut, Neil Armstrong.
Kyle ponders to himself for sometime before coming to the conclusion that Neil Armstrong is a jerk, and that his wife leaving him was probably a smart move on her part.
"Now, now, Neil. You mustn't be so down all the time! You need to cheer up. Maybe, your lovely wife of 25 years left you because she felt that you cared more about Neil Armstrong than Neil Armstrong cared about her. you know?" said an insightful and slightly sarcastic Kyle.
"No, I doubt it. She was a filthy whore and I'm glad she left. It gives me more time for Me, and space. Because I love space, and myself, obviously." says the arrogant space explorer.
"Obviously, but it honestly seems like there's a lot of built up feelings inside of that heart of yours, Neil, and maybe you should talk to her, and tell her you love her. And that you want her to come back." says Kyle in a tone that is meant to be somewhat of a mockery to all of those made-for-T.V. inspirational movies which appear almost exclusively on Lifetime .
And just as Kyle pauses, and the music begins to build for the cinematic climax, a dry, wheezing noise becomes audible.
"Wow, what is that awful sound? It sounds as though leukemia itself is getting lung cancer, while having a horrible, horrible cold." says Kyle, wryly.
The voice begins getting louder, and the music slowly fades away when a disfigured figure becomes visible.
"Wow, who ordered the whore?" says Kyle, funnily.
"That is no whore! That is my wife(now separated)!" Says the strange astronaut. "Oh Cherise, I love you so much, and it has taken me too long to finally see the error of my ways, I apologize completely! I was wrong and I love you and if you never want me to go to space again, well, then I guess I'll never go to space again!"
And just as he finishes his touching story, the whore collapses, hitting her head on the pavement.
Quickly, Neil Armstrong (the astronaut) runs to his wife(the hooker)'s side and as the pool of blood slowly begins to reach Kyle, he jumps backwards.
"Wow, sick." says a disgusted Kyle. "That is one dead prostitute."
"No! No no no no no! My Cherise! My precious precious Cherise! You cannot die now! I'm sorry! I am so very sorry!" says the overrated spaceman.
"Looks like you had that coming. Man, I wonder how much disease she's spread. Jeez, going to the moon I can see, but to get with THAT, you must be one very brave man!" says Kyle, slightly impressed and a little mortified.
"No, don't speak of her that way! She was no prostitute, she was my wife." says astro-man.
"Well, those two things don't seem mutually exclusive, sorry for your loss and all, I guess, but honestly, I'm a little relieved that I don't have to worry about seeing that on the street." Kyle says, relieved.
Then, as Kyle continues to express his relief, Neil Armstrong comes out of nowhere clutching a silver broadsword!
Kyle defenselessly covers his eyes in an attempt to disappear, but alas, Kyle remains and so does Neil Armstrong and his broadsword!
"Hiya!!! Die Kyle! You shall spread your lies no more!" says the now enraged astroman.
Kyle quickly opens his special bag and pulls out a cape, which magically turns Kyle into Superhero!
"Oh no!" Says Neil. "My silver broadsword is no match for the mighty Super-Kyle!"
"Indeed, you are correct, but today is not your day to die." says the now super Kyle.
"Oh thank god" says Neil, as he lowers his sword.
But just then as Super-Kyle lowers his guard, Neil charges from the rear!
It catches Kyle while his back is turned, and his mighty cape is ripped to pieces.
With his mighty cape now destroyed, Kyle feels powerless and defeated.
Neil Armstrong sees that Kyle is vulnerable and begins to charge at him!
Not knowing if he should run, hide, or panic, Kyle panics and right before the spaceman reaches Kyle, he remembers the ominous voice from earlier in the story.
"The power isn't inside the cape, Kyle. The power is in you"
Kyle urges his brain to decipher this secret message, and eventually, it does!
"Ohhh" Kyle things aloud. "The power isn't inside of the CAPE, the power is inside of ME."
The newly powerful-even-without-his-cape Kyle has no choice but to unleash the mighty fury upon the once great spaceman.
The now almost dead spaceman lets out one final "Cheeeerrrisssssseeeee" before he becomes now completely dead.
"Well..." says the all of the sudden superhero, Kyle. "It looks like it'll be a joint funeral!"
And Kyle laughs all the way home from The Space Academy.

"Well, how was it?" Says Kyle's Mom, inside the van.
"Well, I didn't actually get inside the building, and I kind of killed an American hero, but all things considered, I would have to say it was THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE."

The End.