Kyle and the Household Appliances: Hijinks!

 Kyle did not wake up today. 

Kyle slept until the evening, and let out a labored cry. 

"What treachery! The sun has abandon us in our greatest time of need!" he let out in anger. 

Only then, did he look over to his trusted alarm clock, Clocky. 

"You fool!" bellowed Clocky. "It's night time now, you've slept through the day and missed literally EVERYTHING." 

Kyle begins to think to himself for a long, long moment. (Isn't it strange how some moments are quick, as if they never even happened at all, while others can seemingly take an eternity?) 

Kyle thinks on this for many, many more moments. Some short, some quite long. Kyles fingers begin to tremble. His heart begins beating faster and faster until the thumping causes Clocky to interrupt. 

"Uhh, Kyle?" questions Clocky. "I think you may be having what is known to your kind as an existential crisis". 

Oh no! Kyle is indeed having himself quite a time, indeed. Never in his waking life did he ever expect himself to be confronted with the harsh realities of time. 

"An exi-what now, Clocky?" Kyle asks somewhat disrespectfully, knowing full well how to say the word existential. 

"An existential crisis, my dear boy. It simply means you are loosing your mind, or something. I'm just a clock, you know." Clocky responds. 

Kyle thinks on this for a couple of short moments before nodding approvingly at his favorite alarm clock and acknowledging that pressing the matter further with Clocky probably isn't going to get him anywhere. 

"Well, be that as it may, why didn't you wake me up sooner?" Kyle asks Clocky with conviction. 

Clocky, with his limited ability to express emotion just shrugs. "Maybe you shouldn't be putting all of your time eggs in the same time basket." He retorts. 

Kyle now has worked himself up into a tizzy. He wasn't even aware he had any time eggs at all, and wouldn't the most appropriate place for them be a time basket? Furthermore, if the basket could hold as many time eggs as he had, what's the harm in placing them there?  

This conundrum stays in Kyles mind until he eventually is overwhelmed by a rumbling sound coming from his innards. 

"I must be hungry." Kyle thinks to himself, outloudly. 

Clocky nods, and goes back to sleep. 

Thump! Thump! Thump! 

Down the stairs goes Kyle, one foot in front of the other, until he eventually reaches the very last step. 

"I've made it! Time to chow down!" Kyle excitedly exclaims. 

Still a little shaken up by the whole existential mumbo jumbo, Kyle isn't quite sure what type of consumable will ease his trouble noggin. 

"Surely a large glass of soylent will provide all of the nutritional benefits of regular food, without all of that distracting flavor!" Kyle says to the open refrigerator. 

All of the sudden, Billy Joel appears through the whirlwind in dark tinted sunglasses. Spinning his way into Kyle peripheral, he begins to mumble something being right, or possibly being wrong. 

Chalking this up to being very, very hungry, Kyle waves away the whirlwind, et al, and chugs the soylent as if his very life depends on it. 

Immediately, Kyle is filled with an immense amount of regret. Kyle did not enjoy the soylent, even though it quite possibly did provide all of the nutritional benefits of regular food, without any of the distracting flavor. 

Having been "satisfied", albeit unsatisfactorily so, Kyle decides to check off one box on his trusty checklist. 

"Drink a glass of flavorless goo, check!" Kyle bellows for all of the household appliances to hear. 

Kyle feel quite pleased with himself, especially after the approving nods he received from Mr. Microwave and Carmine the Kitchen-aid Mixer. 

Kyle flips down his sunglasses, and gives them both finger guns, as is customary in this specific situation Kyle assumes. 

In fact, he assumed wrong, and little did he know he just initiated war on all of the household appliances in his house! 

Awkwardly looking throughout the room, Kyle begins to see beady angry eyes peering at him from every corner. Unsure of how to diffuse the situation, he ignores it and leaves the house. 

"Well THAT was weird." Kyle says aloud after making his way towards the train station. "Hopefully by the time I get home, this whole misunderstanding will have blown over." 

Kyle hops on the train, and takes it as far as this particular train will go. 

What seems like days, and days, in actuality is only about 28 minutes. Kyle arrives in the next town over, right in front of the local appliance repair shop. 

"Wow, convenient." says Kyle, audibly. "I wonder if the owner of this shop will have any wisdom words for me. 

As soon as Kyle approaches the door, he is stopped by what is most likely an invisible forcefield blocking the entrance. 

"What treachery!" Kyle says, for the second time. "How am I to extract the wisdom from the repairman if I cannot get past this infernal field of force!?" 

In that moment, a policeman strolls by. 

"Oh, nothing...no bother at all..." Kyle says as his voice trails off.

The policeman doesn't like the sound of Kyles trailing nondescript words. 

Not wanting to have an uncomfortable encounter with a man of the law, Kyle gets the heck out of dodge and jumps on the first motor scooter he finds. 

"Well, that's that!" the man of law laments, and returns to his baked goods. 

Now, things are really picking up for Kyle. 

Racing through the streets of dodge, Kyle feels the wind on his face. 

Uh oh. 

Kyle is NOT wearing a helmet! This is bad news, indeed, for as soon as Kyle reaches this understanding, a pothole on the poorly maintained dodge streets sends the motor scooter adrift and Kyle flying through the air and towards the haunted dodge woods! 

"Oh no! Not the haunted woods of dodge, as I like to call them" says Kyle as he soars like an eagle, with zero grace. 

Without warning, Kyles body plummets to the ground and lands with a harrowing thud. 

"Ouch. I feel like several, if not more of my bones have been obliterated." says an anguished Kyle. "It feels as though my feeble body is made of glass, and someone with unmistakable accuracy has pummeled me with many, many stones." 

While that wasn't the case, Kyle still feels an incredible amount of pain. Luckily, he reaches inside the pocket in pants and pulls out a large dose of PAIN-BE-GONE. 

Feeling much better, Kyle begins to assess the damage to the motor scooter. 

"Oh no, this doesn't look good at all" Kyle bemoans. "All of this damage, and I don't know the second, third, or even first thing about motor scooters." 

Just then, all of the critters from the forest appear from all sorts of neat little hiding places. 

A little family of squirrels scamper out of an old, hollowed out log, for example. 

A raccoon scurries down the branch of a tree, for another example. 

For a third and final example, a black bear gets up out of his leafy bed and wanders over to the commotion. 

Kyle eyes the bear with anticipation. He has seen a bear before, but not under these conditions. This time, he fears, things may turn grisly. 

"It's not that kind of bear" Kyle chuckles to himself, loud enough for the bear to hear. 

"I'll show ya what kinda bear I be!" says a (rightfully so) offended black bear. 

The black bear then takes off his sleeping hat and puts on his dancing shoes while gesturing to the other critters to create some sort of dance-off-beat in unison. 

Somehow, the forest critters oblige and within a few medium sized moments, the entire forest echoes in the refrain of a thousand various forest animals, in unison, remember? 

The black bear is feeling very confident now, and does a few simple warm up stretches to shake off the hibernation. He has been waiting for this moment. He's trained for it, he's hibernated for it. The black bear is ready. 

Kyle isn't quite sure how to proceed. Even by forest critter standards, Kyle is a terrible dancer.

Kyle moves to the clearing which obviously is used as a makeshift dancefloor, and does a enthusiastic little shuffle kind of thing. It's not so much a dance, but it appears he's trying to move rhythmically to the sounds the critters are making. 

Realizing it's not going so well, and not wanting to admit defeat, he does anyway. 

"Okay, okay, you win!" Kyle defeatedly admits. "You are clearly the superior dancer in this forest, perhaps in all of the forests." 

"PERHAPS?" the bears exclaims. "PERHAPS I WILL EAT YOUR ENTIRE BODY FOR DISRUPTING MY HIBERNATION. PERHAPS." 

Not liking the cut of his jib, Kyle reminds the black bear that he won, and that by forest rites he can take one, and only one limb from Kyle's fully limbed body. 

Settling down a bit, the black bear wonders how Kyle knows so much about the forest and next to nothing about dancing. 

"PERHAPS YOU SHOULD SPEND MORE TIME DANCING AND LESS TIME IN THE FOREST" ridicules the black bear.

This makes Kyle feel a great deal of sorrow, because he always thought his time in the forest valuable, and never saw the need for dancing. Now, with the realization that even the forest critters value dancing over the ways of the woods, he rethinks the thoughts he had previously thoughten. 

"Well, I guess I can learn a thing or another thing about dancing, if you spare my limbs, of course!" says Kyle. 

"PERHAPS...PERHAPS." say the black bear, who still has not made himself known by name. 

"Well great, Mr. Bear. But I must be going, I've got to find a way to sneak past a policeman, circumvent a mysterious forcefield, and learn the secrets of diffusing an awkward situation with angry household appliances!" says Kyle.

The black bear understands, and motions in the general direction of the repair shop, and all of a sudden, has a thought! 

"PERHAPS, MY NAME IS BLUSTER. PERHAPS I'D BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO ASSIST IN YOUR QUEST FOR VENGEANCE UNDER ONE CONDITION. YOU HELP ME COAX THIS WRETCHED MICROWAVE INTO POPPING MY CORN, PERHAPS." Bluster (the black bear) says. 

Kyle finds this quite agreeable, indeed! The two new friends make their way out of the forest, and back to the dreaded streets of dodge. 

The two spend many moments discussing the reliability of various household appliances, and why household appliance repairman don't work at all hours of the day. 

Once they arrive, they find the shop in the exact same state as when Kyle left it previously in haste. 

With no policeman present, the two move towards the field of force. 

Bluster decides to try something, and puts a large paw up to the door, and pushes. 

Amazingly, the door opens! Clearly the field of force was in reality just a stuck door. 

Kyle shakes his head, wishing he would have tried that. 

Regardless, the two enter the shop but find zero persons capable of repairing any sort of household appliance. In fact, the find the shop to be absent of any person, in particular. 

Just as the two are about to turn back towards the door and leave, an alarm goes off. 

"ALARM! ALARM! ALARM!" says the alarm clock that was waiting behind the counter. 

"IT'S TIME FOR ALARM. THIS IS THE ALARM. I AM AN ALARM AND YOU ARE NOW ALARMED." 

Kyle and Bluster both turn to each other and beginning laughing nervously. 

"Please stop, Mr. Alarm. You are correct in that we are alarmed, but you are quite alarming!" says Kyle, unthreateningly. 

"THAN MY JOB IS DONE, THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT" says the alarm clock. 

"No, wait! Please! We came all of this way in search of information. What we desire is a means to diffuse a awkward situation which caused some household appliances to be offended, inadvertently."

Bluster then gestures to himself with a low growl. 

"Oh yeah." Kyle remembers. "We also want to know how to get a microwave to make popcorn, I guess." 

Bluster grunts in satisfaction. 

The alarm clock thinks this through for a short, long, and medium moment before giving the answers the two have been hoping for. 

"TO DIFFUSE A GROUP OF OFFENDED HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCES, YOU NEED ONLY APOLOGIZE. AND FOR YOUR MICROWAVE POPCORN DILEMMA, YOU NEED ONLY SAY PLEASE." The alarm clock admits. 

In unison, Bluster the bear and Kyle the person bow quite low in respect, and thank the alarm clock with all of the humility they can muster. With this new information, the two friends leave the shop and reach the train stop. 

"Wow, I really hope this works out for both of us." Kyle says to the bear. 

"ME TOO, I GUESS WE SHOULD HAVE TRIED BEING A LITTLE MORE THOUGHTFUL BEFORE REACHING SUCH HASTY DECSIONS. BUT I DIGRESS, FOR I AM JUST A BEAR. WHAT'S YOUR EXCUSE?" questions Bluster. 

Without a valid excuse, Kyle hangs his head in embarrassment and hops on the closest train he can find. 

Luckily, there's one really close (because he's at the train station, remember?). 

The train ride home for Kyle seemed much shorter than it had previously and Kyle wonders if perhaps they took a different route this time.

Once the train stops at the station in Kyles hometown, Kyle gets off and runs all of the way home, as dawn approaches. 

"Ooh, there's that lazy sun!" Kyle says aloudly. 

Opening the door slowly, Kyle looks and finds all of the household appliances in a very agitated state. 

The toaster, menacingly is holding a pair of scissors. Carmine the kitchen-aid mixer appears to have spun himself silly, but is still very much enraged. 

Clearing his throat, Kyle speaks the only words he assumes at this point won't get him beaten up by a bunch of household appliances. 

"I am sorry. You all are my world, and I made a mistake. For that, I will never forgive myself but in time, I hope to win back your trust. Please forgive me." Kyle apologetically apologizes with mostly sincerity. 

At once, all of the household appliances throw down their makeshift weapons and rush to Kyles side, embracing him as lovingly as any household appliance could. 

Kyle is quite relieved to have resolved this situation before it got ugly. Kyle isn't sure what would have happened if his apology didn't work, but he feared he may be searching for many new appliances if that were the case. 

Regardless, Kyle and the house of hold appliances seem to be on good terms, and Kyle is not extremely tired. 

Kyle heads up to his bedroom and recounts his tale to Clocky. Clocky doesn't seem surprised at all by the story, which surprises Kyle. 

"Clocky! I just told you of one of the wildest escapades this world has ever seen. How are you this unimpressed, and not at all, like, out of your mind with surprise?" Kyle asks the alarm clock, Clocky. 

"Well Kyle..." Clocky begins. "When you got to the repair shop, and heard that alarm clock, you know, the one who gave you the words of wisdom? That was my cousin, Alarmy. He called just before you arrived and told me the whole story." Clocky ends. "So that's how I knew." 

Kyle realizes he still has a LOT to learn about the relational dynamics between various household appliances, alarm clocks, and dancing.

The END. 

Kyle And Panda Go To Australia To Avoid The Storm

In the winter of two-thousand and twelve, in the quiet town of Neversnows, there was a blustering storm of proportions. But this wasn’t a storm of just any proportions, these proportions were epic. So epic in fact, that Kyle and his best friend Panda decided to get out of the one-panda town of Neversnows in search of greener pastures.

“Oh Kyle” said Panda “Where on earth are we going to go, on earth?”

“First of all Panda, your sentence structure is terrible. You really need to go back to college and take some Basic English classes. I really think you could benefit from them.”

Panda thinks long and hard about this for what seems like five minutes to Kyle, but to Panda it seems more like three-hundred seconds. Once Panda gives it some seriously serious thought he decides college is no place for a silly little Panda like Panda. His ears then perk up as he anticipates Kyle isn’t finished with his well-phrased proclamations.

“Second, there are many places on earth far less blustery than Neversnows!” proclaims Kyle, proclaimly.

Then, all of the sudden Kyle has a startling realization! After the explicably appropriately named storm of inexplicably epic proportions, the quiet town of Neversnows will be in fact inappropriately named!

“Alright, I’ve had it with this soon-to-be-inappropriately named one-panda town, Panda. We must move on to greener pastures at once!”

Panda doesn’t need to say a word. The look in Panda's eyes are enough. After a long, meaningful gaze into the eye of the storm, both Kyle and Panda begin their search for the pastures of green.

SNACK BREAK!

Several days later, Kyle wakes up with a slight remembering-feeling in his head. “Now wasn’t there something I was supposed to do, a few days ago?” Kyle thinks to himself quite loudly.

“Kyle!” shouts Kyle’s father. “You’re thinking much too loudly again! Quiet that head down! And shouldn’t you be moving on to pastures of green or something?”

Just then, Kyle had a startling realization about what he had previously forgot he had realized only a few days ago. Kyle was supposed to be moving onto greener pastures, and he was already several days behind schedule! Feeling very rushed, and a little hungry (it was a light snack), Kyle decides to call up his favorite panda, Panda and go and get some (as pandas call it) grub.

“Kyle! Where on earth have you been? We were supposed to be out of here several days ago! Remember the impending storm of inexplicably epic proportions? Remember the pastures of green? Remember our meaningful gaze in to the eye of the storm?”

Just then, Kyle forgets all about the slight hunger in his stomach and decides to make a plan of action, immediately.

“You’re right Panda, and if we follow my strict sixteen-hour Action Plan, we’ll be in some greener pastures in about sixteen or so hours, or so.” bellows Kyle.

Panda looks pleased upon hearing Kyle’s Action Plan. This is the Kyle that Panda was looking for. This is the Kyle that Panda can trust. Then the two begin to follow the very particular steps to the action plan, and begin calling up all the friends they know in pastures of green.

Several moments later, Kyle hears a strange noise coming from Alfredo, his mobile phone. “Ring ring! Ring ring!” says the mobile phone, Alfredo.

For a minute or two, Kyle cannot remember for the life of him what it means when a mobile phone begins speaking, but then Kyle remembers and answers the phone. “Yes Alfredo, I hear you saying ‘Ring ring!’, what do you want?”

“Good evening Master Kyle, you are receiving a call from one of your friends in greener pastures. Her name is María Conchita Alonso and she would like to know if you want to take up refuge in her land of Kangaroos and BBQ’s until the eye of the storm of Neversnows has finally…shut.”

Kyle thinks about it and immediately makes a decision to pack his bags not twice, not thrice, but once.

“Don’t forget to bag your packs too as well, Master Kyle.” Alfredo rememberingly reminds Kyle.

“I wasn’t going to, Alfredo. But thanks. I completely forgot!”

After having his bags packed and his packs bagged, Kyle opens up his front door and who does he see? It’s none other than his good friend Panda, the panda!

“It’s about time.” says Panda. Are we ready to go yet? I have my pack bagged and everything.”

“Don’t forget to pack your bags, silly Panda.” says Alfredo.

Embarrassed, Panda explains to Alfredo that as much as he would like to pack his bags, he doesn’t have any. All he has is a lonely pack. Being a mobile phone, Alfredo is incapable of pointing and laughing. But if he could, he would be pointing and laughing at Panda.

“Enough arguing you two!” Kyle interjects. “It’s about time we left this soon-to-be-no-panda town and get our going on!”

The two then argue for about four-hundred and thirty-two seconds over the most efficient form of transportation before they both have an epiphany at precisely the same time.

“RICKSHAW!” They both holla at once.

After leafing through a few leaflets on the staggering poverty of common rickshaw-men, Kyle and Panda decide reading is for people who don’t know how to avoid reading and call Gary Busey, the poor rickshaw-man from the “bad part of town”.

“Good evening, boys. And by boys, I mean Kyle and Panda. Where to?” says the poor rickshaw-man, Gary Busey.

“Sydney, Australia and make it snappy. We don’t have all day!” says Panda. “And didn’t you used to be a moderately successful actor?”

After an approving look from Kyle, Panda feels a great sense of pride.

Gary Busey nods, bashfully. “Once upon a time, I was a moderately successful actor, but then…”

“Didn’t my dear friend Panda say we didn’t have all day? We don’t have time for your life story, Mr. Busey. We just need to get the heck out of Neversnows, now!” says Kyle.

Climbing aboard Mr. Busey’s very uncomfortable rickshaw, Kyle and Panda begin to complain about the level of comfort they are feeling. “I’ve gotta say, Gary, this rickshaw has got to be the worst rickshaw I’ve ever had the displeasure of riding in” explains Kyle.

This makes Gary Busey feel very sad. So sad, in fact, that he begins to weep quite loudly. Upon hearing the loud weeping, Kyle and Panda decide a rickshaw has got to be the worst form of transportation they have ever had the displeasure of experiencing.

“We’re here!” shouts Mr. Busey in a still very loud, very sad weepy voice.

“Finally.” Kyle and Panda say at the exact same time. Then Kyle gives Panda a very stern disapproving look, because Panda knows how Kyle feels when they both say things at the exact same time: very, very uncomfortable. After Panda apologizes to Kyle, the two then thank Gary Busey for the uncomfortable rickshaw ride. Gary doesn’t want to say anything, but neither Kyle nor Panda has paid him for the ride from Neversnows to Australia and a trip like that can be awfully tiresome for a poor rickshaw-man such as Mr. Busey. After not saying anything, Kyle and Panda leave in search of their good friend María Conchita Alonso.

“I think she lives this-a-way!” shouts Kyle.

“No, she lives that-a-way!” proclaims Panda.

After many months trying to figure out where in the world the Casa-de-María is, the two are approached by none other than a kangaroo!

“Wow, a real life kangaroo, in the flesh!” says Kyle. “Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought I would meet an animal as exciting and exotic and exuberant and exhilarating and in need of so many adjectives with the letter “Ex”!

This brings a tear to Pandas eye, before he realizes this specific kangaroo is pretty amazing.

“What up, bros?” says the Kangaroo.

“Not much, my brother from another species. Just looking for María’s place. You seen it?” Asks Kyle.

This brings a spark to the eye of the kangaroo because this specific kangaroo just so happens to be a flat mate of María Conchita Alonso!

“You know what, María just so happens to be my flat-mate. I was just heading there myself, if you wanna follow me. By the way, you can call me Jamaal.”

Kyle and Panda then both look at each other incredulously because the name “Jamaal” is usually reserved for African-American professional football players, definitely not Australian Kangaroos, but who are they to make such harsh assumptions?

After establishing that Jamaal is just a nickname, and that this particular kangaroo has no “official” name because he isn’t a person, the two then begin the next part of their journey on foot. They walk for about three days before arriving at the house of María.

As they approach the front door, Jamaal reminds them that it is accustom for Australians to give guests five bucks, as a host fee. But what Jamaal did not tell them was that María likes to do things a little differently, and follow new, more non-accustom customs.

Just then, as they finish up their conversation about whether or not people in Australia are going to give you five bucks for coming to their house or not, someone answers the door!

“Oh, hey María. We were just talking about you.” says Kyle. “Where’s my five bucks?”

Immediately María slams the door shut.

“Well now, we have seem to have royally pissed off our most gracious host, just as she was about to give us five bucks!” dejectedly says Kyle.

“Not gonna lie bro, you weren’t going to get five bucks. The mere assumption of her giving you five bucks is in fact the reason for the sudden slamming of the door in our faces.” Jamaal explains. “Speaking of which, it looks like when she slammed the door, she slammed it directly into the nose of your good friend Panda!”

Kyle then immediately looks down to see his good friend Panda lying on the ground, covered in ketchup.

“That’s not ketchup….” Whispers Kyle. “It’s blood.”

“Of course it is!” retorts Jamaal. “Why on earth would it be ketchup? He just had a door slammed into his face and it’s clearly running down his nose in a very much blood-like fashion”

Kyle looks at Jamaal sheepishly. “You’ve made your point, Jamaal. Don’t be a dick.”

Verily astonished by the harsh verbose verbiage directed toward him, Jamaal reacts rather irrationally.

“Oh yeah, would a dick do this?” screams Jamaal, reaching for a lighter from his pouch.

“Uh, I don’t know. You’re reaching for something, are you about to do something, or something?”

Just as Kyle finishes his sentence, Jamaal finishing reaching for the lighter, lights it, and throws it towards the casa-de- María.

Terrified of fire, Panda runs as far away as he can with Kyle close behind. Jamaal attempts to run, but instead trips, falls into the fire, and is burned alive.

That’s called Karma.

As Kyle and Panda reach a safe, not too close distance, Kyle gives María a call on his reliable mobile phone.

“Ring ring! Ring ring!” says Alfredo, the mobile phone.

“Yo yo, what is good my brother Alfredo? Is Kyle calling me, or something?” Answers María .

“Why yes!” explains the mobile phone. “I’ll patch him through at once, ma’am.”

Kyle then proceeds to tell María of the crazy events that took place shortly after she slammed the door in Panda’s face. Having no idea, María immediately feels a great sense of remorse.

Then, after offering a very sarcastic apology, Kyle hangs up the phone thinking their conversation is over.

“Wait, you forgot to tell her that her house is on fire. You probably should have said something about that, because her house is burning. Because of the fire.” says Panda.

Feeling stupid, Kyle figures to himself that she’ll find out eventually and it’s no use spending any more of his valuable mobile phone minutes (he doesn’t have rollover).

Seconds later, a very pissed-off María Conchita Alonso comes huffing and puffing out of her now very engulfed in flames home. As she runs towards Kyle, she stops for a split-second to see her beloved flat-mate Jamaal, now very much burnt and very little alive.

“Wow, I hope she doesn't hold onto any feelings of resentment for that…” thinks Kyle loudly to himself.

“I DO resent that!” shouts María.

“Wow, I have GOT to quit doing that.” thinks Kyle not quite as loudly as before.

Apologetically, Kyle apologizes to María in a manner no women of Australia could refuse: with the promise of a new Kangaroo!

“Oh boy! Really? A new kangaroo?” Sarcastically replies María. “Panda please! What am I to do about my flat?”

After thinking long and hard about this situation for a moment or two, Kyle decides that Australia isn’t that great anyway, and it’s probably time María went on that long cruise she’s always talking about.

“But I haven’t ever even thought of going on a long cruise, Kyle.” says María.

Realizing he must have thought in his outside voice again, Kyle explains the increased popularity and low-costs of cruises over the past few years and once this is explained, María is sold on the idea.

Having settled that whole ordeal, Kyle sends his dear friend on her way to the Caribbean’s or Madagascar, or somewhere, that part isn’t really that important.

Next, he decides it’s time to check his trusted mobile-phone and see what the hap’s is back in Neversnows.

“Oh Hello Kyle” says Kyle’s mobile phone, Alfredo. “You must be wondering what the current status is of your beloved town of Neversnows.”

Astonished, Kyle begins nodding his head rather enthusiastically, incapable of speech.

“I’m going to go out on a circuit and assume that my assumption was correct.” assumes Alfredo. “In which case you’ll be pleased to know that I just recently spoke with your loving mother and father, and they wished me to tell you the storm has passed. It’s safe to go home now, Kyle.”

Even more astonished then when Alfredo assumed correctly, Kyle begins jumping up and down, even more incapable of speech than before.

Feeling awkward, Panda chimes in. “Wow thanks Alfredo! What I’m sure Kyle would say if he wasn’t so…speechless right now is that he’s ecstatic. We’d love to come home, but I’m afraid I have eaten all of our money!”

Hearing this makes Kyle surprised at first and then angry. So angry In fact, that Kyle has become infuriated. “You did WHAT…to our WHAT?!” shouts an exceptionally angered Kyle.

“I said I ate it, Kyle. I ate the money. All of it. All the money. I got hungry. It’s gone.” explains Panda. “I ate it. The money.”

“Yeah, I got that part Panda. But why on earth would you eat the money, on earth?” inquires Kyle.

“I told you, I got hungry. And I ate it. All of it.”

Confused as to why Panda would eat money instead of food, Kyle decides what’s done is done and there’s no use dwelling on it now. Now is the time to form a plan to return home.

“Well, what’s done is done.” Thinks Kyle aloud. (He really needs to quit doing that) “There’s no use dwelling on it now, but we need to form a plan. A plan of action, or an Action Plan if you will.”

“Master Kyle, I will if you will!” shouts Alfredo from Kyle’s front pocket.

Panda then chimes in once again and berates Alfredo for about twenty minutes on the appropriate times for interrupting, and how there aren’t any. This makes Alfredo feel awfully sad. Panda then holds the power button for about five seconds, until Alfredo slowly powers off and dies.

“Well that’s just great, Panda. Now how are we supposed to keep in contact with Neversnows if my mobile phone is dead!?” questions Kyle.

Panda then sneezes, and Kyle forgets all about the whole mobile-phone ordeal.

Just then out of nowhere, Kyle thinks up a plan of action! Impressed by his own intellect, Kyle explains to Panda his Action Plan, and how it almost exclusively involves Panda pan-handling until he gets enough money.

At first, Panda is not very happy with this shenanigan, but as soon as Kyle tells him he can call it “Panda-handling” instead, naturally he obliges.

NAP TIME! ( for Kyle. Panda is a little busy right now)

Seven days later Panda returns and wakes Kyle up from his nap. Enraged, Kyle begins swinging his fists in the general direction of Panda, before realizes Panda has returned with at least four or five dollars!

“Oh my goodness, Panda! How on earth were you able to get that amount of money in such a short amount of time?” questions Kyle.

Panda then proceeds to tell Kyle about all of the various pandamonium he had to cause in order to get the large sum of money and Kyle swells with pride. Now, having more than enough money to get home, the two then go to the nearest convenience store.

“Hello good sir.” Kyle says to the man behind the counter. “Two energy drinks, please. And make them super energetic. We’ve got to get all the way to back to Neversnows and I’m already exhausted from my trip here!”

“Neversnows, eh? I’ve heard about that place! Didn’t it just snow there or something?” says the man behind the counter.

“Indeed it did. But as quickly as the blustering began, it be-over.” explains an exhausted Kyle.

Having no more time to chat, the man quickly hands Kyle two of the most energetic drinks they have, and Panda hands him four or five dollars.

“Quick Panda, drink yours first and make sure it’s safe! Then I’ll drink mine and we can finally make it back to Neversnows!” says a scheming Kyle.

Panda doesn't hesitate and drinks his energetic drink in one energetic drink. “Now that wasn’t so bad!” shouts Panda, energetically. Kyle then proceeds to drink his as well, and then two then begin running as fast as they can in the general direction of Neversnows.

Several days later, they arrive home to find Neversnows almost exactly as they left it!

“Wow, Neversnows is almost exactly as we left it! Only slightly more covered in snow!” reckons Kyle.

“Ironic!” says Panda.

“You don’t know what that means stupid Panda, but you’re right. It is rather ironic.” replies Kyle.

The two then rush to Kyle’s home, where Kyle’s family has been worried sick.

“Wow, what a long and crazy adventure!” says Kyle. “Let’s watch some TV!”

Panda begins getting excited, and as Kyle flips through the channel, what does he see?

PREDATOR 2 IS ON!

Now that’s irony, Kyle thinks to himself. And as soon as his thought is thought, he hears a knocking on his door.

“Oh Kyle!” shouts Kyle’s mother. “That must be the mail-man, can you get the door?”

“But I just got home from Australia, can’t you do it?” argues Kyle.

“No, just do it. I’m your mother. Do it. I said so.”

Finally, Kyle walks over to the door and opens it and who does he see?

Danny Glover, dressed up as a mail man!

“Here’s your mail, kid. By the way, there’s nothing ironic about a struggling actor trying to make a decent living.”

The END.

Kyle And Jose: ADVENTURE!

Kyle woke up quick at about noon with a troubling headache.
Kyle slowly opens his eyes as he realizes he doesn't know where he is.
Kyle's mind is hazy and his memory is fuzzy. What did Kyle do last night?
As of now, Kyle is underneath a 96 Ford Probe and he smells motor oil.
Hesitantly, Kyle crawls from beneath the car and climbs to his feet.
"Oh sweet mother of gosh!" Kyle mumbles to himself. Kyles head is feeling awfully awful.
Once out from under the car and on his feet, Kyle begins to remember small pieces of the night before.
He remembers the night started with several dollars and a bag of candy. Then, him and some friends decided to eat the candy and play a fun game, because everyone knows a fun game becomes even funner after a few pieces of candy!
Once the bag was empty, everyone was having so much fun! Except for Jose, because he was being way to literal with the game. And everyone knows games are not meant to be literal.
For example:
Catergory- Cheesy. Selection- Potato. NOT FUNNY! LOL!!!!
After the fun game, Kyle decides that a walk is necessary.
Well, the walk turned into a long walk, and eventually Kyle came back from his walk to get his best friend to go on another walk! Who is Kyles best friend, you ask? Well none other than the person mentioned previously, Jose!

Kyle and Jose then began what would later be known as "The Epic Journey Of Candy And Funness". Walking along the promenade, Jose begins to ask several friendly civilians for pieces of gum, while holding his trusty plastic wand. Sadly, the friendly civilians turned out to be less friendly than Jose had thought, and they did not oblige to his requests of free pieces of gum.
His plastic wand made them take him not very seriously, or on the contrary he was taken too seriously, and they were frightened by the spells he might cast if they made him angry.
After not receiving any more gum, Kyle and Jose decided to go on some awesome slides! Jose made it up the ladder and down the first slide with ease. Next, Kyle climbed the ladder to the slide, but instead of gracefully sliding own, his foot got caught and he went flying in the air!
Soaring in the sky, Kyle flailed his arms, trying to fly.
Alas, Kyle could not fly, but someone as Kyle approached the ground he gained great composure!
Kyle landed with both feet precisely on the ground and looked comparatively to a ninja with a belt of black.
"WOW!" said Jose. "Never in all my days have I seen such composure!"
Kyle then felt a great deal of pride, but also a little bit of sadness because in flailing through the air, he accidentally dented his trusted Fraggle Rock thermos.
Sad, Kyle begins to cry.
"Now, now Kyle. Cheer up! It's only a mere dent. I'm sure your thermos can withstand much more than that!" Said Jose, cheerfully.
This makes Kyle feel quite a bit better. Now, the two best friends decide to chew gum in the middle of an awesome game of laser tag!
Eventually, the two realize this isn't such a good idea and as shots are flying all around, they dodge their way back to the safety of the exit.
Then, Kyle cannot quite remember what happened for a few moments. But he imagines he was probably eating a whole bunch of candy!
After the candy he probably ate, Kyle and Jose walked through a scary alley smelling like stale candy and chewed gum. Creeped out, they continued until they reached a magical gate.
"Open, please Mr. Gate. We'd like to go inside and see your wonders and amusements." Said Kyle.
Immediately, Mr. Gate opened himself and the boys went inside.
Once inside, they saw many comfortable sofa-seats where they lounged and blew bubbles from their bubble-gum flavored chewing gum.
After 23,001 seconds the boys decided to leave the inside of the gate, but there was one problem: the gate was now locked.
Somehow, the boys escaped and ran as far as they could until they reached a mighty warrior named "Abdulah Oblongohgotta".
"Oh, sheeeeeesshh!" shouts Kyle. "That warrior is both mighty, and a warrior!"
Jose is not worried, though. But he does notice the warrior has two bags of candy in his hands.
The two then wait until the mighty warrior is distracted by a traveling gypsy, and they quickly snatch a bag from the warriors hands.
Immediately, the warrior notices and begins to shout battle cries at our young heroes.
The two then begin to run away shouting "Take that you stupid big mean ugly warrior!"
This hurts the warriors feelings, and he does not chase them.
Now, the two heroes have plenty of candy and they eat it all.
Surprisingly they never even got a stomache ache, either!
Horray for Kyle and Jose!

Once the candy was consumed, Kyle decides that he could use a quick sleep, so the two then search for an appropriate sleeping arrangement.
After what seemed like several long weeks of searching, Kyle finds a nice Ford Probe to sleep under. "Oooh, retro and comfy".
Jose, on the other hand, finds a nice looking carnival ride to fall asleep on. "Oooh, fun and luxurious!"
Several hours later, Kyle wakes up and finds Jose, and wake him up too.
Then they talk about the night for many days and reminisce while they both thought to themselves "Today was a good day"

Kyle Goes To Jail. (13)

Kyle wakes up to the sound of rain.

This immediately makes Kyle feel a sudden pain in his left foot.

"OUCH!" yelps Kyle, at the pain in his left foot.

Kyle then suddenly gets depressed, because he knows that when he wakes up to a pain in his left foot, it must be raining.

Kyle doesn't like the rain. Not one little bit.

After the pain slowly goes away, Kyle's depression starts to go away, too.

Feeling a little better, Kyle decides to get up, get dressed, eat breakfast, and have an awesome day.

Thinking about this makes Kyle begin to feel awesome, too. But just as he starts to imagine what he is going to do, he has a startling realization: he doesn't know what he's going to do.

Again, Kyle feels depressed, so he sits in a chair, to think about some things.

The first thing Kyle thinks about is Mumbai. But Kyle doesn't really know anything about Mumbai, except that it's in India, so it was a relatively short thought.

Next, Kyle thinks about how at the beginning of every single quarter of school, he buys a new pack of mechanical pencils, and yet at the end of every quarter, he never has any left.

This puzzles Kyle, because he never remembers any of his pencils running out of lead, and when he lets people borrow his pencils, he always makes sure to get them back.

This thought, compared to the last one, is quite long.

Kyle then decides to change his thought, because he is getting frusterated.

After several minutes of thinking of what to think, Kyle remains without a thought.

Then Kyle begins to think about how he doesn't have anything to think about, but this makes Kyle confused, so he stops thinking about that.

Confused, Kyle goes to get a bottle of water from the local grocery store.

"Strolling along to the grocery store" Kyle begins to sing, set to the tune of the Gnome Mobile song, from that movie "The Gnome Mobile"

Then Kyle remembered how much he liked that movie when he was a child, and wonders if he can find it on Amazon.com

Yes, he thinks he can.

This makes Kyle feel a little bit happier, but not any less confused.

Once at the grocery store, Kyle notices that his favorite friend Donatello is working.

Kyle wishes he was better friends with Donatello, because he is a Ninja Turtle, and a teenage one as well.

Kyle then strikes up a conversation with Donatello, asking him how Splinter is doing.

Donatello has no idea what Kyle is talking about.

Kyle then remembers that Donatello is not actually a Ninja Turtle, he's just a teenager, with the name of Donny.

This makes Kyle laugh, because Donny would never make it as a Ninja, and even though Kyle is much smaller than Donny, he feels he could take him any day of the week.

Except the Lords day.

After his close encounter with Donny, Kyle rushes to the cold beverage isle in search of a bottle of water.

"Ah-ha! There you are!" Shouts Kyle, loud enough for all in the grocery store to hear.

"The refreshing taste of delicious water is mine!"

Just then, Donny runs up to Kyle and takes the bottle of water right out of his hands!

This makes Kyle angry. Really, really angry.

Unable to control himself, Kyle "Hulks Out" as he calls it, and begins to go a little bit crazy.

Fists flying, legs swinging, head flailing; Kyle is kicking tail.

Kyle is feeling very good at the moment.

A pleased look is across his face.

Several minutes later, Kyle hears a siren getting louder and louder.

For a moment, he stops the beating to look around, and that is when he sees the faces.

On every single person in the store: a very specific look of horror and fear.

Kyle then looks back at Donny, who looks slightly more like a Ninja Turtle than he did before. Kyle then realizes that he needs to jet, so he gives Donny one last roundhouse, and gets the heck out of there.

Running to the front entrance, Kyle decides that there will probably be several police man's waiting for him, so he pumps the breaks and does a quick 180.

Now, Kyle is running towards the back entrance.

This is a decision Kyle is very satisfied with.

Once he's there, Kyle heads left towards an alley, and takes refuge in a large metal garbage container.

"Victory is mine! Those boys in blue would never think to look here!" whispers Kyle.

Then, after sitting in the garbage container for several minutes, Kyle notices that there is another person in the container with him.

"Uhm, hello?" says Kyle.

"Hello, welcome to my home" says an unnamed garbage container dweller.

"Oh, thanks...you don't mind if I stay here a few days, do you? Until the fuzz backs off" asks Kyle.

"Oh of course not, mi casa es su casa" says the unnamed garbage container dweller.

Kyle then leaves the container immediately, because he hates voodoo.

As soon as Kyle leaves, he is not very nicely greeted by a large officer of the law.

"Awww snap!" reckons Kyle.

Then the Po-po slaps the cuffs on our hero, and wheels him off to the station.

Kyle then starts to think of a plan.

Now, usually Kyles plans aren't very good, and poorly constructed, and this one is no different.
The first step: Kyle politely asks the pig for a cig, to which he naturally will oblige.

The second step: Kyle lights the cig and shoves it into the cops eye, causing him to run around screaming in pain.

The third step: Kyle teleports the heck out of there, and forgets this whole thing ever happened.
As soon as Kyle finishes thinking up this plan, he tries it out.

"Excuse me, may I please trouble you for a cigarette? I am feeling a little freaked out."

Then, the officer looks at Kyle and shakes his head.

This makes Kyle feel sad, because he might be stuck in prison for a long time.

After he is "bagged and tagged", Kyle is placed in a cell with a man named "Raphael"

This makes Kyle chuckle, because he clearly is angry, much like the Ninja Turtle.

Then, Kyle suddenly realizes that this fellow next to him is indeed Raphel, the Ninja Turtle!

"Oh my god! It's you! It's really you!" shouts Kyle.

"Yeah, it is! I've been waiting for you Kyle, let's get out of here!"Then the two bust open the cell door, and make a run for it.

Sadly, Raphael gets shot, and probably dies.

But Kyle doesn't!

He makes it all the way home, and takes a long nap, because it's been a long day.

The End.

Kyle Gets Abducted (12)

Kyle Gets Abducted.





"Whistle-whistle-whistle" Whistles Kyle. "It sure is a pleasant day!"


Kyle is gamboling cheerfully along the promenade on a lovely Sunday afternoon.


Kyle loves this particular Sunday particularly because the sun is shining bright, but not too bright.


Kyle hates it when the sun shines so brightly that he has to squint, but he also likes it to be fairly bright.


After taking in the all of the sunshine, Kyle feels empowered.


"Whew, I just gamboled along the whole promenade, I wonder what I should do now." Wonders Kyle aloud.


And just then, before Kyle even has time to stop wondering enough to catch his breath a large metallic object begins zooming over Kyles head!

"Oh, no! It's coming right at me! Ahhh!"Shrieks Kyle.

Kyle is being very over dramitic, seeing as though the large metallic object is nowhere near Kyle.

"Ahhh!" Shrieks Kyle a second time. "I'm going to need to move soon if I want to avoid this!"

Then, Kyle barrel-rolls out of the way of danger, and into the way of safety.

Feeling relieved, Kyle then realizes that the large metallic object was indeed nowhere near him. On the contrary, it was several hundred miles away.

Foolishly, Kyle decides to inspect the object, so he begins the long walk towards it.

After several years of trekking through the suburban wastelands, Kyle grows a beard.

"Huzzah! A beard!" Yells Kyle.

Kyle has always wanted a beard, but could never really grow one.

After several more years, Kyle arrives at the large metallic object, which is now a rusted yellowy color.

As Kyle approaches the object, Kyle notices that it has a door, and on it is a sign which reads: DO NOT ENTER !!!!

Kyle then enters immediately, because he hates being told what to do.

As he enters, he is greeted by two little midgets, who look very angry.

"WHY DID YOU ENTER?" Says the first midget.

Kyle begins to giggle, because he finds little people to be very funny.

Eventually, Kyle stops giggling long enough to form a sentence.

"I don't take orders from you, little-man. He-he"

Perplexed, the first midget then combusted into flames. Then, the second midget quickly gets a broom and sweeps up his ashes.

One the second midget is done sweeping, he returns to Kyle.

"Well I don't care! This is my space-o-ship, and I call the shots 'round here!" Bellows the angry second midget.

Kyle then rolls his eyes and picks the second midget up.

The second midget does not like this, at all.

"Hey you guy! Put me down! I may be a silly little midget, but that doesn't give you the right to just man-handle me like that!"

And on that thought, Kyle agrees. Kyle never really thought about it like that, and he begins to feel really bad about the way he treated the second midget.

"I'm sorry, little fellow, I didn't realize that what I was doing was wrong and mean, is there any way I can make amends?" Apologizes and pleads Kyle.

Just then, a creepy smirk becomes evident on the second midgets little face.

FAST-FORWARD 20 MINUTES!

"Hey, come on midget! Lemme outta dis' cage!" yells Kyle.

The second midget does nothing except push tiny buttons on a control panel.

Kyle has been trapped inside this cage for the better part of 20 minutes.

"Midget, I don't like you very much right now." says Kyle, in an attempt to hurt the midgets feelings. It works.

The midget then turns around, and with a tear in his eye says "Well, my mom died when I was little, and my dad raised me. Our situation was good and all, but I never really learned how to express my emotions. I always just kinda resorted to aggression. I guess I'm finding out that it isn't always the best solution. I'm sorry, Kyle. I'm still not letting you out though."

Kyle is getting pissed off. Kyle then decided he has had enough of these little games and he punches the metal bars of the cage he is being kept in.

"BAM!" goes the first punch, and it leaves no impression on he bars.

Kyle then decides two more punches and a roundhouse kick should do the trick.

"SOCKO!" "SMACK!" "KERPLUNK!"

As soon as his kick lands, the metal cage evaporates into a cloud of smoke.

"Ooh, spooky" marvels Kyle.

Kyle then walks over to the second midget, who didn't even noticed that Kyle had escaped.

Kyle didn't really want to have the whole "confrontation" thing, so he didn't alert the second midget of his presence. Instead, he found a piece of paper and a mechanical pencil and scribed a note for the second midget.

The note read:

"Dear angry second midget. I never liked you, but I did respect you. At least, until you put me in that cage and wouldn't let me out. Well, I got out and now I'm leaving. Have fun in here by yourself, and I hope you work out those issues with expressing your emotions,

Your best friend in the world,

Luke Skywalker (JUST KIDDING!),

Kyle.

Kyle Does Something Unexpected (11)

"Do it! Do it! Do it!" shout the boys from across Kyle's street.

"Come on, just do it! You're not chicken are you?" says the largest boy, Howard.

Kyle does not like to be called names and therefor gives Howard a thumbs down. Howard looks sad.

"Please, do it! You know you want to!" says Hwuang, the Asian boy.

"Shut up guys, I'm going to do it. I just need to get my nerves." says Kyle, as he breathes deeply.

Kyle then imagines how Captain America felt, before the last big battle of the Superhero Civil War, and he then finally goes for it.

[Now, by now you're probably wondering what Kyle has just done and I don't blame you. I would wonder too, if I wasn't the one writing the story about what Kyle is doing. So, rather than have myself explain to you what he is doing, I'll let Kyle do it, as part of the story. ]

"Wow! I can't believe I actually did it! I actually flew! I can fly! I can actually fly!" yells Kyle.

Gasps and shudders are common among the boys from across the street, as most of them have never seen a person fly.

Kyle then looks down at the group of boys, smugly.

"How you like me now! I did it, and you didn't. I bet you all feel stupid and insignificant!"

But then, Kyle begins to stop flying and begins heading towards the grown, rapidly.

"Oh no! I'm falling! I'm free falling!" Kyle then starts humming the song "Free Falling" and as he forgets how it goes, he suddenly gets dangerously close to the ground.

Preparing for the worst, Kyle closes his eyes, to try and make it all go away, and surprisingly, it does!

The next thing Kyle knows, he is standing atop a great mountain, with a donkey at his side.

"Oh, hello donkey." Pleasantly greets a cheerful Kyle.

The donkey offers no reply, and instead just stares at Kyle blankly.

Kyle does not like this one bit.

Feeling like he has been ignored, or "dissed" as the cool kids say, Kyle then kicks the donkey with a great amount of force.

"Ooof!" squeals the donkey. "What in Guatemala was that for!"

Then, Kyle widens his eyes in surprise.

"You can talk? Wha- Ho- Hu-???????" Says Kyle.

Then, the donkey falls over, dead.

Kyle then takes a pillow out of his raincoat, and cries into it for several days, because he hates it when animals, especially donkeys, drop dead.

Kyle lets out a deep sigh and goes back to the group of boys, from across the street.

"Hey, man! Where did you go? You were all flying and whatnot, then you stopped, almost hit the ground and disappeared!" Inquires the boys.

"Yeah, I don't know. I'm gonna go see a Psychiatrist. I think I witnessed something traumatizing.

Then, Kyle goes to see Dr. Buckhauser, the local Psychiatrist, down on Shoemellen Street.

"Ah, Kyle. Just in time." Announces Dr. Buckhauser in a very loud and boisterous voice.

Seeing as though Kyle randomly entered the Doctors private home, Kyle finds it odd that he had been expecting him.

"Um, Doc, I just randomly entered your house. Why did you make it seem as though I was expected?"

"Well," Prepares Dr. Buckhauser. "I announce all people in that way, it makes me feel superior in some way."

"Oh, well, that makes perfect sense." says Kyle, sarcastically.

Kyle then feels that this guy is in no position to be making claims about his mental health, so Kyle leaves.

Feeling slightly depressed about the falling, the donkey, and then the crazy psychiatrist, Kyle goes home feeling a little down.

"Well, today wasn't so great. Perhaps tomorrow will be better...."

Kyle Takes It Extreme And Goes To Canada (10)

Previously On "The Adventures Of Kyle!"



EARLIER

"Hello Zebra, it is a pleasure to meet you." Says Kyle.

"Ah, Kyle! The pleasure is all mine!" Says Zebra. "Do you have any chocolate?"

"M'fraid not, I'm fresh out. Perhaps the good townsfolk might have some at the market!" Supposes Kyle.

"Ah-ha! A splendid idea!"



The two then go to the market, only to find that the market is fresh out of chocolate!

Then, as they start to come up with an idea, Kyle wakes up.



NOW!



"Aw, man!" Exasperates Kyle. "Every time I wake up, this happens!"


Kyle hates it when his wonderful and exciting dreams get interrupted by waking up, but it is necessary.



Kyle gets out of bed, and then decides that getting out of bed regularly is much too boring. So he decides to TAKE IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL!

What is the next level, you ask? That my friend, is EXTREME.

After achieving Level:Extreme, Kyle high fives himself and cartwheels to the foyer.

As soon as Kyle arrives, he immediately runs into pop icon Gary Coleman!

"Oh, geez, man! I hardly saw you there. You know, with you being so short and all...no offense" says Kyle.

"Yeah, I get that alot... It's ok." Says pop icon Gary Coleman.

Kyle then sneaks away into the dining area, extremely.

"Huzzah! I have made it to the dining area undetected, mission: accomplished!"

But Kyle didn't make it to the dining area quite as undetected as he thought, because behind him is SLOTH!

"Ahhhh!" yells Kyle as he runs away, which is a very hard thing to do extremely, but Kyle thinks he manages to pull it off with a few quick arm thrusts into the air.

"Wow, my extremity exceeds even my own expectations!" exclaims Kyle. "I could totally be a ninja, if I even wanted to be!"

A tear then trickles down Kyles left eye, because he secretely (not-so-secretely) wants to become a ninja very badly, but he recently failed his last challenge at Ninja Training School.



"Oh, well. Maybe next year..." Kyle says, hopefully, and a little extremely.

"Well, back to taking things one step further!"

Kyle then scales the side of a very tall building, while closing his eyes, and then on a leap of faith, he jumps.

Narrowly missing many sharp knives placed carefully on the ground, Kyle lands on the one pillow that isn't filled with broken glass and razor blades.

"Woe is me, I am extreme."

Next, Kyle karate-chops and back-flips all the way to Cananda, to see what they are up to.

"Hello, young sir." says a Canadian.

"Why hello, you must be Canadian!" says Kyle, enthusiastically.

"Well, yes, technically, and obviously. This IS Canada, you know."

"I do know, and I don't like you anymore. Good bye, stupid Canadian."

"How dare you young boy, calling me stupid like that! I'm going to tell the authorities! Here in Canada, we are very sensitive towards being called stupid. Especially from foriegners like you."

Kyle then makes the shape of an "L" on his forhead, and walks away.

Then, minding his own business and thinking of ways to be EXTREME, Kyle is approached by a Canadian Police Man!

"Uh no, that Canadian wasn't bluffing. I got to get out of here, quick!" screams Kyle.

"Oh, no you don't!" says the Police Man, from Canada, respectively.

Kyle then takes of running, while thursting his arm into the air, to keep it real.

Kyle sees an alley that looks like it could be a good escape, but it smells funny so Kyle keeps running. Kyle spots another alley, but it smells worse than the last!

"What is with all of these alleys? They smell awful." Kyle thinks aloud.

After spotting several more alleys that each smell worse than the last, Kyle decides to go back to the first one, so he makes a U-Turn.

"Hey! Those are illegal! I'm going to get you for that!" says the Police Man, hot on Kyles heels.

Kyle then begins running even after, and eventually makes it to the first alley before sundown.

Once in the alley, Kyle realizes that it is not actually an alley at all. Rather it is a Canadian movie set!

"Oh, horray! I have always wanted to see a famous Canadian movie set!" Says Kyle, excitedly.

Kyle then remembers that the Police Man is still chasing him, so he comes up with a plan, quickly.

Kyle then runs to wardrobe, and puts on a ninja costume.

Looking like a ninja, Kyle begins to FEEL like a ninja.

"Wow, I think I might actually be able to perform some tasks which usually are reserved only for ninja's, THAT is how much I feel like a ninja!"

Kyle then scales the side of a tall building and glides all the way back to America, U.S.

"Wow, it sure is good to be home."

Indeed it is, Kyle. Indeed it is.