Kyle Takes It Extreme And Goes To Canada (10)

Previously On "The Adventures Of Kyle!"



EARLIER

"Hello Zebra, it is a pleasure to meet you." Says Kyle.

"Ah, Kyle! The pleasure is all mine!" Says Zebra. "Do you have any chocolate?"

"M'fraid not, I'm fresh out. Perhaps the good townsfolk might have some at the market!" Supposes Kyle.

"Ah-ha! A splendid idea!"



The two then go to the market, only to find that the market is fresh out of chocolate!

Then, as they start to come up with an idea, Kyle wakes up.



NOW!



"Aw, man!" Exasperates Kyle. "Every time I wake up, this happens!"


Kyle hates it when his wonderful and exciting dreams get interrupted by waking up, but it is necessary.



Kyle gets out of bed, and then decides that getting out of bed regularly is much too boring. So he decides to TAKE IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL!

What is the next level, you ask? That my friend, is EXTREME.

After achieving Level:Extreme, Kyle high fives himself and cartwheels to the foyer.

As soon as Kyle arrives, he immediately runs into pop icon Gary Coleman!

"Oh, geez, man! I hardly saw you there. You know, with you being so short and all...no offense" says Kyle.

"Yeah, I get that alot... It's ok." Says pop icon Gary Coleman.

Kyle then sneaks away into the dining area, extremely.

"Huzzah! I have made it to the dining area undetected, mission: accomplished!"

But Kyle didn't make it to the dining area quite as undetected as he thought, because behind him is SLOTH!

"Ahhhh!" yells Kyle as he runs away, which is a very hard thing to do extremely, but Kyle thinks he manages to pull it off with a few quick arm thrusts into the air.

"Wow, my extremity exceeds even my own expectations!" exclaims Kyle. "I could totally be a ninja, if I even wanted to be!"

A tear then trickles down Kyles left eye, because he secretely (not-so-secretely) wants to become a ninja very badly, but he recently failed his last challenge at Ninja Training School.



"Oh, well. Maybe next year..." Kyle says, hopefully, and a little extremely.

"Well, back to taking things one step further!"

Kyle then scales the side of a very tall building, while closing his eyes, and then on a leap of faith, he jumps.

Narrowly missing many sharp knives placed carefully on the ground, Kyle lands on the one pillow that isn't filled with broken glass and razor blades.

"Woe is me, I am extreme."

Next, Kyle karate-chops and back-flips all the way to Cananda, to see what they are up to.

"Hello, young sir." says a Canadian.

"Why hello, you must be Canadian!" says Kyle, enthusiastically.

"Well, yes, technically, and obviously. This IS Canada, you know."

"I do know, and I don't like you anymore. Good bye, stupid Canadian."

"How dare you young boy, calling me stupid like that! I'm going to tell the authorities! Here in Canada, we are very sensitive towards being called stupid. Especially from foriegners like you."

Kyle then makes the shape of an "L" on his forhead, and walks away.

Then, minding his own business and thinking of ways to be EXTREME, Kyle is approached by a Canadian Police Man!

"Uh no, that Canadian wasn't bluffing. I got to get out of here, quick!" screams Kyle.

"Oh, no you don't!" says the Police Man, from Canada, respectively.

Kyle then takes of running, while thursting his arm into the air, to keep it real.

Kyle sees an alley that looks like it could be a good escape, but it smells funny so Kyle keeps running. Kyle spots another alley, but it smells worse than the last!

"What is with all of these alleys? They smell awful." Kyle thinks aloud.

After spotting several more alleys that each smell worse than the last, Kyle decides to go back to the first one, so he makes a U-Turn.

"Hey! Those are illegal! I'm going to get you for that!" says the Police Man, hot on Kyles heels.

Kyle then begins running even after, and eventually makes it to the first alley before sundown.

Once in the alley, Kyle realizes that it is not actually an alley at all. Rather it is a Canadian movie set!

"Oh, horray! I have always wanted to see a famous Canadian movie set!" Says Kyle, excitedly.

Kyle then remembers that the Police Man is still chasing him, so he comes up with a plan, quickly.

Kyle then runs to wardrobe, and puts on a ninja costume.

Looking like a ninja, Kyle begins to FEEL like a ninja.

"Wow, I think I might actually be able to perform some tasks which usually are reserved only for ninja's, THAT is how much I feel like a ninja!"

Kyle then scales the side of a tall building and glides all the way back to America, U.S.

"Wow, it sure is good to be home."

Indeed it is, Kyle. Indeed it is.

Kyle And Zebra (9)

"Kyle...Kyle...KYLE!" yells Kyles very short tempered mother.
Kyles eyes slowly widen, as he tries to make some sense out of all the shouting.
"What!? What is it mother?" says Kyle.
"You have to hurry!" says Kyles mother. "We're going to be late to the zoo!"
Suddenly, Kyle remembers that today he is going to the zoo! Kyle is very excited about this particular trip to the zoo, because a good friend of Kyles (Panda) has given him a tip that today they are bringing a new animal to the zoo!
Kyle doesn't remember what kind of animal is coming, but he remembers it being most definitely awesome.
If Kyle is going to make it to the zoo on time, he is going to have to hurry.
And guess what? He does!
After all of the hurrying, Kyle gets into his mothers car, and his mother drives him to the zoo.
"Have a nice time, son!" says Kyles mother. "I'll pick you up in a little bit, I'm going to get a hair cut."
Kyle mutters under his breath that he does not care.
"OK, mom! I'll see you then!"
Kyle runs to the gate of the zoo and tells the zoo keeper that he would like to go to the zoo.
The zoo keeper remembers Kyle, as Kyle has been there many times.
The zoo keeper lets Kyle in, and Kyle couldn't be happier.
For several hours, Kyle looks around for an animal that looks new.
At first, he spots something that he doesn't remember, but it was just a cow.
Kyle does not like cows, nor does he think they belong in a zoo.
Kyle then searches for several MORE hours, but he cannot see anything that looks new or unusual.
This makes Kyle very disappointed and sad.
Kyle is about to start crying when a friendly face greets him.
Who could it be?
Well none other than Panda, one of Kyles best friends!
"Panda! It's you! It is so nice to see you, but...shouldn't you be in your cage?" inquires Kyle.
"Ha-Ha. Kyle funny. Laugh, I do. Thing is, Panda exhibit has half day! It great, isn't?" exclaims Panda.
"Oh, OK...." replies Kyle, a little confusedly.
Kyle asks Panda about the new animal, and Panda tells him.
(I would tell you, the reader, but that would ruin the suspense.)
Kyle also asks where the new animal is, and Panda tells Kyle that, too!
Kyle runs all the way to the place where Panda told Kyle the new animal would be, and just as Kyle arrives, he sees it!
The animal is marvelous and incredible.
"WOW!" rejoices Kyle.
"A REAL LIFE ZEBRA!"
The Zebra is the most amazing shade of white, with black stripes that would make any other stripes look ridiculous.
"I love your stripes, Zebra. Can we be friends?" says Kyle.
The Zebra does a little dance, for some reason, and then trots up to Kyle before replying "Yes of course! Do you have any chocolate? I love me some chocolate."
"Uh, I'm afraid not..." says Kyle.
"Ah ha! Then we shall have to go find some, then!"
Zebra trots off in the general direction of the Zoo Gift Shop and Kyle follows, reluctantly.
As the two get there, Zebra asks the Cashier lady for some chocolate, to which the Cashier lady obliges.
"Yum yum! Chocolate, huzzah!" exclaims Zebra.
"Hmm...should you really be eating chocolate, Zebra? Isn't that like, bad for you, or something?" asks Kyle.
"Hah, absurdity at its finest! You certainly know not the first thing about what is and isn't good or bad for Zebras." replies Zebra, pretty rudely.
Kyle doesn't want Zebra to say anything else, so he doesn't respond.
Next Zebra decides that he wants to dance, so he does.
Kyle awkwardly watches as Zebra shuffles and waltzes back and forth.
At that moment, Kyle becomes aware that Zebras are not very good dancers.
"Wow, I'm the greatest dancer ever! Am I right, Kyle?" says Zebra.
Kyle doesn't want to hurt Zebras feelings, so he pretends he doesn't hear him.
"Kyle? Did you hear me?"
"Oh...no, I didn't. What?"
"I said I'm the greatest dancer ever. Am I right?"
Kyle then has no choice but to respond to Zebra.
"No, you aren't. Your dancing is terrible and I wish you would stop."
Zebra looks crushed, but after a few minutes, forgets, seeing as though Zebras have the memory of a baby kangaroo. Which, is to say, not a very good one.
Kyle then tells Zebra that because Zebra got to pick the last two activities, he gets to pick this one.
Zebra agrees, and awaits Kyles idea.
Kyle thinks long and hard for twelve seconds, exactly.
Then, Kyle has an idea!
But just as Kyle begins to tell it to Zebra, the zoo keeper comes from out of nowhere.
"Zebra! How did you get out of your cage? You need to go back, right now!" says the zoo keeper.
"Awww maaaan. Just as it was my turn to pick the activities!" says Kyle.
"I'm awfully sorry, Kyle. But it is past Zebras bedtime. Perhaps another time you two can play together. But not tomorrow, because it is Hanukkah."
"Bedtime??? Oh no! Zoo keeper, it is of unmeasurable proportions that you tell me the current time, right now!"
"Well, it is precisely 11:56, PM, good sir."
Kyle then starts to freak out .
"OH NO!"
Kyle then runs all the way to the gate, only to find his mother waiting, talking on a cell phone, comepletely oblivious to that fact that her son has been at the zoo for literally 29 hours straight.
Kyle is glad, though. Because that means he won't be in trouble!
When they get home, Kyle heads straight to bed and dreams of making mountains with his eyes.

The End.

The Diary Of Kyle: Sea Lab (8)

An Excerpt from "The Diary Of Kyle"

November, 23rd 1999.

"Sea-Lab"



Today was a good day! It began by mother making me delicious scrambled eggs and even more delicious Belgium waffles! I don't like Belgium very much, but I think their waffles are pretty good. Have you ever even seen someone from Belgium? Neither have I. I doubt it is even a real place.



During breakfast, father told me that the lab in the sea was looking for children to come and explore. As soon as he told me, I knew I had to go right then and there. I thanked mother and began begging father to take me. For the first 287 times of me asking, he said no. But after 288 times, he finally said OK!



I knew that it's a long way to the Sea Lab, so I made sure to bring plenty of things to keep me occupied during the trip.



Things I brought:

Tape-Recorder (For thoughts/notes about the Sea Lab and other things)

Picture of Albert Einstein (for inspiration and a giggle)

Several Belgium waffles from breakfast (in case I get hungry)

Sony Walkman and tape of Queen's greatest hits.



I started the tape and after hardly any time, we were at the Sea Lab transport station! I was really surprised at how quick he got there. For some reason, I thought it would take a long time.

Father told me that it is for children only, so he got in the car and waited. I think it's weird that he always just waits there. Because he could go anywhere, I mean, he's an ADULT and can DRIVE. So why just wait in the car when there are roads to drive on and cities to see?

Anyway, I walked up to the station, and a man in a bright orange jumpsuit greeted me. He seemed friendly. I wonder if he gets paid extra for being so friendly, because it seems like he does, or should because he is doing a great job at being friendly. Maybe he is always really friendly, and that is one of the reasons they hired him. Or maybe, he wasn't always friendly, but because of the job he has to fake it. I hope it's the first, because people shouldn't have to be friendly if they don't want to be.



So, the friendly guy in the suit walked me to the "Deep Sea Diver" as they call it. Well, they actually never called it anything, but it said that on the side. I wonder what they actually call it. They probably just call it "Deep Sea Diver" but maybe they call it something else. I would like to find out. I should ask the friendly guy.



Once me and the friendly guy got into the "De-Se-Di" as I call it, the friendly guy pushed a ton of different colored buttons and the ship began to move. It was so exciting!



Then it takes us reaaaally, reaaaalllyyy far underwater. It seemed like it took us days, but that was probably because I didn't have my Walkman.



Eventually, the De-Se-Di reached a huge building and we stopped at this big garage door looking thing. It opened for us and we drove in. I asked the friendly guy what they called the ship, and he said they just call it the "Deep Sea Diver". I figured. Oh, I also asked him if he was always this friendly, and he said yes. That made me happy.



After we got out of the Deep Sea Diver, the friendly guy (I still don't know his name, I should ask him.) walked me to the main deck, so I could meet the captain!



The captain wass a funny man, who was always saying funny things, but he didn't not know. Everyone laughed about the funny things he says when he wasn't paying attention. A lot of the time, he wasn't paying attention.



The captain told me all about the Sea Lab and I didn't really pay attention. It was really boring. He talked a lot about kelp. I guess they harvest a lot of here. I'm not really sure what kelp even is. I should have paid more attention. Oh well. Maybe I should Google it when I get home.



So next, the captain started to give me a tour of the Control Room, which apparently is where they control all of the stuff in Sea Lab. It seems kinda cool. But as he started to show me the Control Panel, the lights started flashing red! I didn't really know what was going on, but he started yelling at the friendly guy and it seemed to make him a little sad. The friendly guy said "right, right, OK sir. Right" a lot, then he started running around. I don't think he really knew where he was going, but maybe he did.



Then, a bunch of other guys in funny orange suits ran in and waited for the Captain, who was biting his nails and cursing a lot under his breath. They all seemed really nervous/scared. I was pretty scared too.



The captain yelled at all of them too, giving orders and stuff like that and they all ran in different directions. I had no idea what was going on! I tried to stay out of the way, but then there was a loud explosion!



It sounded like a bomb, but I wasn't sure. I asked the Captain if it was, but he didn't answer me. I asked him again, in case he didn't hear me, but he just looked at me and started cursing again. I'm pretty sure he heard me both times.



After a few minutes, another loud noise happened, and it really freaked me out. I thought I was going to die, or at least get hurt really badly. Then the friendly guy who didn't look as friendly anymore came back, and he whispered something to the Captain. It seemed to calm him down a bit.



I asked him if someone was bombing us, because it sounded like someone was, and he finally answered me. He said no, that it was some test they were doing and that it didn't go very well. But he kept saying it was all right. It seemed like he was saying it to himself more than to me.



The friendly guy then looked at me sadly, and told me that I had to leave in case something happened. It made me really sad, but I was a little relieved, because the Sea Lab was getting really scary.



He took me back to the Deep Sea Diver and drove me back to the Transport Station. I told him that it was really cool, and that I hoped no one died from the bombs. He told me he hoped so too, and that he felt bad that I couldn't stay longer. I told him it was okay, but he kept saying it wasn't. Then, he gave me a ticket to the Space Academy, to make up for it I guess. I took it gladly, because it had always been my dream to become an astronaut just like my hero, Neil Armstrong. This made the friendly guy very happy. I was glad that he was so happy.



I walked back to the car, and father was still there, waiting. I don't know how he does it. He asked me how it went and I didn't want to worry him, so I said it went "really, really good". This seemed to please him. I told him thanks for taking me and he said I should be.



We got home pretty late, and mother was already asleep. I guess I'll have to tell her about it tomorrow. That's probably good, because I am really tired!



I think tomorrow I might go to the zoo. I hope I see pandas!

Kyle Fights Crime In San Diego. (7)

"Good morning, Kyle!" says a rather familiar voice.

But this morning is not so good.

On the contrary, this morning is quite bad.

Kyle knows this because as soon as he awoke, he could hear a tapping on his roof and as soon as Kyle heard the tapping on his roof, he knew it was raining.

Kyle does not respond to the familiar voice, which so happens to be his mother.

Instead, Kyle motions to the ceiling, and his mother nods.

Kyle then decides that for the entire day, he would take a vow of silence, in the-opposite-of-honor of the rain.

Now that Kyle has decided not to speak, he now must figure out something else to do instead!

For several moments, Kyle concentrates intently, and then he takes a break to catch his breath.

Kyle almost says "Whew, that was some intense concentrating!" but then he remembers his recent vow of silence.

Kyle lets out a deep sigh and then gets back into some more intent concentrating.

Just then, an idea sparks! Kyle then points a finger in the air as if to say "Ah-ha!" but, he didn't say it. Because of the vow of silence, remember? Pay attention.

Kyle then rushes through his morning routine and waves goodbye to his mother on his way out the door.

Next, Kyle hops onto his Segway, and speeds off to the Market District, where his favorite A Capella group performs every Wednesday.

After he arrives, he searches as much as he can, before he comes to the realization that his favorite A Capella group is nowhere to be found.

Kyle almost cries, but he contains himself, barely. A soft whimper comes from Kyles lips before he sucks it up and be's a man. (grammatically incorrect, on purpose.)

After he calms down a bit, Kyle remembers it is only Tuesday, which explains why the A Capella group is absent.

Kyle is still a little upset that he doesn't get to see them, but he is also a little excited because he will get to see them tomorrow!

Now, seeing as though the corner where the A Capella group usually performs is empty, Kyle has taken it to himself to be an entertainer.

Without speaking, Kyle performs an extravagant version of Apollo 13, silently.

Now that that is done, Kyle can get on with the REAL reason he woke up this morning: to fight crime in the streets of San Diego!

Kyle then decides that if he is going to fight crime in San Diego, he most certainly will need to talk, so he puts his whole "vow of silence" thing on hold for awhile.

"Oh, blast!" says Kyle, very comical. "I'm not even CLOSE to San Diego, how will I ever get there?"

But just then, whizzing by on the corner of the street is one of his favorite vigilantes: Bucky Barnes!

"Hey, stop!" yells Kyle. "Wait a second! Hey you!"

And then, Bucky stops and turns to Kyle.

"Oh, you must be Kyle! Pardon me, I shouldn't have been going so fast, I was just in a hurry." Says Bucky.

"It's alright, I forgive you. Anyway, where are you headed anyway?"

"To San Diego! I just got a call from Nick Fury." He said the Thunderbolts were at again, causing all sorts of trouble with Ant-Man!"

"No way! I was actually headed that way myself, do you mind if I go with you?"

No, not at all! Let's go, together!"

And the two were off, at the speed of lightning! It took them less then four-hundred seconds to get to San Diego, which is quite shocking, with all the border-patrol and whatnot.

Anyway, they are now in San Diego and there, in the middle of the street are Radioactive Man and Songbird picking on poor, little, defenseless Ant-Man.

"Hey, you two bad-guys!" says Kyle, in an attempt to sound heroic. "You leave that poor little guy alone!"

And as Radioactive Man and Songbird are shocked and bewildered by Kyles remark, Bucky Barnes does a sneak-attack and traps them both!

"Ah shucks! You caught the both of us, just like that!" says Radioactive Man.

"Just like that, indeed." says Bucky.

"I can't believe we fell for the old 'confuse them, and then sneak around and trap them from behind' trick. I feel so had." says the sassy Songbird.

"Well, you see..." begins Bucky. "...we used a little thing that I like to call 'Teamwork'. Ever heard of it? I'm sure you have. It's quite effective." Bucky then turns to face Kyle.

"And I couldn't have done it without you, Kyle."

Kyle looks quite pleased with himself for saving the life of the little Ant Man, and he is also glad that he decided to talk.

"Thanks, Bucky. That means a lot, especially from you. But I didn't do it for the recognition. I did it for the poor, little, pathetic men that look like ants." Kyle says.

"Hey now! I was doing just fine before you two showed up! I had them right where I wanted them! I was about ready to unleash my human strength upon them!" yells Ant Man, quite defensively.

"Human strength, you say?" Says Bucky.

Kyle and Bucky then laugh for twenty-three hours and then Kyle walks home, knowing that another life is saved because of him.

This makes Kyle feel all giddy inside.

When Kyle gets home, his mother asks him how his day went.

Kyle just points to his lips.

"Ah, vow of silence, I get it." says Kyle's mother.

Kyle then turns around and winks into the hidden cameras there, there, and there.

The End.